How to Deal With Parents Controlling Wedding Planning
Historically, parents have played a significant role in selecting who gets married to their child and planning the wedding. This was especially true if the parents were paying for the wedding.
With arranged marriages and dowry systems, weddings worldwide have been a way for parents to assert their social standing and power.
Thankfully times have changed.
So you think you can throw yourself a party? It still can be hard when meddling parents are involved.
Most couples are lucky and have supportive parents who are happy to help out with whatever they can. But what do you do if your parents are difficult to work with?
How do you plan a wedding when your parents always give you unwanted advice?
Or how do you deal with an overbearing mother-in-law who is always trying to take over?
14 Tips For Dealing With Difficult Parents During The Wedding Planning Process
Parents controlling wedding planning is stressful. This usually happens when parents are paying for the wedding, and they have firm opinions about how it should be.
1. Talk To Your Partner About How You Want To Handle Things
As a new couple, you are a team of two, and you need to make decisions together.
It’s essential to communicate with your partner about how you want to handle things when it comes to your parents and wedding planning. You need to be on the same page, so there isn’t any conflict or drama.
Maybe you want your parents to be involved in the planning process, or perhaps you would rather they stay out of it. Either way, make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
2. Talk To Your Parents About Your Wedding Plans Before The Official Engagement
When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most challenging things to do is deal with your parents. This is especially true if they are difficult to please or have strong opinions about how the wedding should be planned.
The best way to handle this situation is to talk to them before the official engagement. This way, you can gauge the temperature of how they will react and how involved you want them to be in the planning process in the months to follow.
On the one hand, it is crucial that they feel like they have a big part in how things are turning. But, on the other hand, you don’t want them to take over. So the sooner you talk to everyone involved, the sooner you understand where they stand from the beginning.
3. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them
When it comes to who you like to invite to your wedding and your parents, have an extensive list of their friends who they want to invite you could end up feeling like a stranger in your own home. So it’s important to set boundaries and stick to them. After all, this is your special day!
“My parents wanted to invite their golfing buddies even though my fiancé and I had a very specific guest list in mind,” says one bride. “We had to be really firm with them and explain that we were paying for the wedding and we had a strict budget.”
You might not feel comfortable saying no to your parents, but it’s vital that you do so.
4. Be Organized To Avoid Parents Controlling Wedding plans
One of the best ways to deal with controlling parents is to be organized. This way, you can stay one step ahead and not be asked to report and explain what you are doing.
You can do this by keeping a folder or binder of all your wedding planning information and timeline and making sure to include how much everything costs if your parents are paying or paying a portion of the wedding.
Being organized will help keep stress levels low and ensure that no detail is skipped, and they will be less likely to step in and try to take over.
You can also trust tasks to your parents so that they feel involved in the process and have a sense of ownership over the wedding. This will help keep them calm and happy and ensure that they stop micromanaging.
5. Find A Way To Communicate Clearly And Effectively
Effective communication is key. This is especially true when dealing with difficult parents. You need to communicate clearly and effectively so that everyone is on the same page.
Be prepared for disagreements and stay relaxed; take a break and cool down. Then, you can always come back to the conversation later when everyone has had a chance to calm down.
6. Have Regular Check-Ins With Your Partner
Checking in with your partner regularly will help ensure that there are no surprises and that you are both on the same page when dealing with your parents. This way, if one of you is out of town or unavailable for a conversation, the other person can fill them in.
Some sort of wedding planning family issues is unavoidable and can make wedding planning overwhelming. However, you’re creating a new branch on your family tree, and you want to figure out how to collaborate as a couple to keep your wedding drama-free!
7. Be Prepared For Some Pushback
No matter how well you communicate or set boundaries, there will likely be times when your parents don’t listen or try to cross the line. So be prepared for this and have a plan B ready to go.
The calmer you stay, the better you will be able to navigate.
The most important thing is how you respond and cope with the tension.
Remind yourself that this too shall pass. Even if your mom has a meltdown, she will get over it in time – just let her know that it’s okay.
It can be tough to stand up to your parents, but remember that you’re not attacking them – you’re just asserting yourself.
8. Talk To Your Parents About How They Can Help
One of the best ways to deal with demanding parents is to turn around the conversation and talk to them about how they can help. Think of projects they can work on.
This could mean having them help with logistics, planning pre-wedding events, dropping off items at the wedding venue, or just being there to offer support. It’s essential to articulate with them openly and honestly, so there aren’t any misunderstandings.
It’s also important to remember not to over-think how your parents will react. They want you to be happy, and they probably won’t care if something is a little different from how they envisioned it.
9. Plan On Finding Compromises Before You Even Start
If your parents are difficult to deal with, the best way to approach wedding planning is to find alternative solutions that suit you before you even start. This means that you already know the grounds of how to deal with your parents and find peace ahead of time if things are not going your way. Then, a compromise that works for both sides will emerge naturally and blend both sides.
10. Respect Your Parent’s Opinions About Your Wedding
Parents want what’s best for their children, which often extends to wanting to have a say in their children’s weddings. So while it’s essential to see your vision through and set boundaries, it’s also essential to respect your parents’ opinions.
Even if you disagree with them, try to understand where they’re coming from. Listen to their thoughts and consider them when making decisions about your wedding.
Respecting their opinions will make it easier to find a way to compromise, and both you and your parents will be happier in the end. Remember that this is your wedding, not theirs, so you should ultimately make the decisions that you feel are best for you. But with some cooperation and understanding, even difficult parents can be successfully dealt with during wedding planning.
11. Take Time For Yourself
Go out of town or take a break from wedding planning now and then so you don’t get burned out. A change of scenery and a break from your to-do list will help you keep things in perspective.
Spend time with friends who aren’t involved in the wedding planning process.
Hanging out with people who don’t have an opinion on how your wedding should go or what you should do will help take the pressure off.
12. Get Someone Else To Help Mediate Between You And Your Parents
If your parents are always giving you a hard time, try distancing yourself from them emotionally by engaging a third party to help you communicate. This person can be a wedding planner or a relative you trust who is willing to act as the go-between for your parents and yourself.
Having a third party present can help make the planning process less stressful, keep the peace, and make the journey more enjoyable.
13. Stay True To Your Vision And Make It Known From The Start
Stay true to your vision. This means you want to be firm about what you want for your wedding and not let anyone else steer you away. It can be challenging to stand up to your parents, but if you communicate your vision from the start and firmly stand by it, you’ll be more likely to have a successful planning process. Remember to follow your heart and not let anyone tell you you can’t do something just because they’ve tried before.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to fight every battle with your parents. However, if some things are more important to you than others, pick your battles wisely and be willing to compromise on the more minor details. This way, you can avoid major disagreements and stay focused on what’s important to you.
Once again, your wedding is all about what you want and how to make it a special occasion for the both of you. If something isn’t important to either of you, let it go, don’t worry about it.
14. Pay For The Entire Wedding Out Of Your Own Pocket
If you want to have complete control over your wedding, paying for it yourself is the way to get out from under your parents’ thumb.
Paying for your own wedding is not an option for most couples, but it might be the best way to have complete freedom if you have the means. This will show your parents that you are serious about this wedding and want to handle everything on your own. It will also take the pressure off of them so they can just enjoy your special day.
This way, you don’t have to worry about your parents’ opinion on what type of wedding you should have or how much it should cost. Plus, you won’t have any arguments about who pays for what. Just be prepared and establish a well-thought-through budget.
Final Thoughts
When dealing with difficult parents during wedding planning, remember that communication is key. With some understanding and cooperation, you can successfully work through any disagreements and have the wedding of your dreams without parents controlling wedding planning.
You should make the decisions that are best for you and your spouse-to-be.
If your parents are difficult, it can help to take a break from planning.
Follow your heart and stay true to your vision, but be willing to compromise on some of the smaller details. In the end, it’s important that you’re happy with how your wedding turns out – even if mom and dad disagree.
